I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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