i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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