I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
