is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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