Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
