not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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