is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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