I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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