I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
