i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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