I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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