If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Mom said you looked used
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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