Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
