No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
