I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize