she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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