Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
