A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
