We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
