all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Your penis caused this!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
