Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
