I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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