Everything about him screamed your future.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
