Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
