just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
