She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
