i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
