I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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