dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
