At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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