There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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