bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize