great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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