I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
