My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
