trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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