Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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