I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
