I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
