they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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