Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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