did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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