forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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