hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
