i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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