The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
