A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
