Plan B is the new Plan A
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
