Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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