just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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