I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
