I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
