I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i think my mom watched the whole time
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
