Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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