ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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