the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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