That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
