you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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