I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize