his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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