and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize