Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
