butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
