Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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